Feb 19, 2019
Listener: …“I’m having a few issues in my relationship with my boyfriend. He just can’t seem to stop messaging his Exes (two of them) he knows I am very uncomfortable with it, we’ve broken up a few times due to this. but I’m starting to think maybe I’m the issue and not him, and I don’t know what to do. we just recently got back together again and he is doing again, maybe it’s my insecurities, maybe I should break up with him, maybe I should trust him…I’m stuck on “does he not care” “does he just not love me” “should I break up with him”…
Listener: …”However, I didn’t learn about it until several hours later when he “suddenly remembered” and said that that was happening “tomorrow night.” When I asked him why this was the first I heard of it, he said, “I didn’t think of it.” First, I was mad that this was the first I was hearing about it, when I’ve explained that we need to discuss in advance things that are going to affect “us” or our time together. Second, I was mad that I had just said that I wanted us to do something and it sounded like he’s planning on going to this going away party. I felt like he wasn’t making us the priority. He then made it worse by saying that he didn’t choose which he wanted to do yet, somehow thinking by not choosing the party it was okay, when in reality, either way, he wasn’t choosing “us.””…
(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)
Question #1: Is your partner conflict avoidant?
Question #2: Are you clear about your desires, wishes, and longings?
Question #3: Do you pursue?
Question #4: Do you react? Do you at times attack, blame or criticize in an attempt to get your partner to engage?
Stay tuned for the next episode for the next 4 questions to address the experience of feeling like your partner is not fully with you.
Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode:
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