Jul 10, 2015
If you have ever experienced a time when your significant other
is experiencing pain or difficulty for any length of time, then you
know – it is extremely challenging to stay balanced, positive, and
constructive.
As much as you would like to take their pain or difficulty away,
you cannot make it better for them or do their work for them. All
you can do is take care of your side of things and show-up in the
best way possible.
Here are some tips to help you be more
effective:
1. HOLD SPACE FOR STRENGTH & GROWTH:
- Be compassionate and empathize.
- Offer support in ways that might be helpful. If you would like
more resources on how to be supportive, then check out
this podcast.
- If your partner is having a negative outlook, don’t buy into
the victim story.
- Hold a mindset that your partner is growing, learning, and is
in process.
- Believe in your partner. Believe in your partner’s strength and
capabilities.
- Don’t participate with the bad behavior. Set limits. See
#3
“The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish
most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of
my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the
sunshine of my prosperity.”– Ulysses S. Grant
2. BE A SAFE PERSON.
- In relationship, partners are often very sensitive to each
other’s criticism, judgment, and disappointment.
- Even if you want to see “better behavior” from your
partner, judging and criticizing will not help. (If you have
issues, try address them constructively.)
- Try and think positive thoughts about your partner. Catch
overly critical thoughts and judgments. Remember your partner is
trying.
- Communicate with tact and kindness.
- Offer genuine care, regard, and consideration, when
possible.
3. TAKE A STAND FOR HEALTH:
- Set standards for yourself. What you are willing to participate
in and what you are not willing to participate in?
- Set limits based on things you can control. You cannot control
your partner’s thoughts and behaviors. You can control what
interactions and dynamics you invest your time, attention, and
resources into.
- Listener’s example: Not wanting to open up a join checking
account because of partner’s overspending. “I would love to open up
a joint checking account, AND I want to feel solid in our ability
to work together financially. I want to feel trusting of our
ability to be on the same page.”
- “Would you be willing to talk about steps we can take together
to get on the same page, work together, build solid foundation and
trust together financially?
- For more on Making And Keeping Agreements To Strengthen Your
Relationship, check out this podcast.
- My example: “I am not okay, with how things are going. Would
you be willing to look for other strategies to deal with this
difficultly? Get support?”
4. STRIVE FOR INDIVIDUAL BALANCE & WELLNESS:
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable in a healthy way.
- Honor your needs. Example: Need to feel nurtured – take a hot
bath. Need for support. – spend time with a good friend.
- Be clear about your intentions and efforts with your
partner.
- Invite your partner into something that would feel good to
you. Be Specific.
5. BE AVAILABLE FOR TRUE COMMUNICATION
- Ask your partner for time to talk more openly. Decide when and
where would be a good time. Have a heart-to-heart
conversation.
- Take the role of the listener and really seek to
understand. Take time. Be patient. Be present. Follow your
partner’s pace of sharing.
- Use empathy – understanding your partner’s perspective.
- Understand your partner’s needs.
6. BE AVAILABLE FOR TRUE COMMUNICATION AGAIN
- Share your experience.
- Stay “on your side of the fence.”
- Know your needs.
- What are you willing to do to contribute to your needs being
met?
- Invite your partner into a creative discussion about how to
deal with this difficult time together as a couple.
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never
failing, but in rising every time we fail.”– Nelson
Mandela
Mentioned: Be sure and check
out The Art Of Mindful Wealth
Summit. Listen and learn from over 24 world-class
inspiring wealth and abundance experts sharing how you can hit the
reset button and live with greater meaning, purpose and
fulfillment!
I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you have points to add to
the conversation? Please leave me a comment below.
If you have a topic that you would like me to discuss or a
situation that you would like me to speak to, please contact
me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins”
button here. Thank you so much for being
interested in improving the quality of your relationship.
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Thank you!