May 3, 2016
Can you simply have a friendship when you have romantic
and/or sexual potential with someone?
Is it a good idea to stay friends with an ex-significant
other?
Having a platonic friendship with someone with whom you have
romantic potential, sexual attraction, or history with can be
complicated for sure. However, it is not impossible.
4 KEYS TO DEVELOPING A HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP (WITH SOMEONE OTHER
THAN YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER):
Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples,
and more tips.
1. Know what your intention is and
what the purpose is for the friendship.
- What is your intention for the friendship? What do you want to
experience within the friendship?
- What is the purpose of the friendship?
- Sometimes, we maintain friendships for reasons we are not
totally aware of, especially when we stay friends with an
ex-significant other. For example, we want to feel needed, we want
the attention, or we don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings.
- Here is an article on Psychology Today “The 10 Worst Reasons To Stay
Friends With Your Ex” by Dr. Juliana Breines.
2. Be sensitive to the quality of the
friendship.
- How does your friend treat you?
- Ho do you treat your friend?
- Do you want the same things in relationship?
- What kind of relationship are you developing (i.e. do you have
candle lit dinners together)?
- Is it a mismatch (i.e. do either one of you want more than just
friendship)?
3. Be honest about what you are feeling and
sensing.
- Are you being honest with yourself about what you are getting
out of the friendship?
- Does your friendship fulfill a need of yours? If so, what is
it?
- If you are in a committed relationship, do you include your
partner in the friendship to some degree?
- Would you do and say the same things with your friend, if your
partner were around?
- Are you hiding, withholding, or omitting aspects of your
friendship from your significant other? (If you are avoiding
conflict or feeling fearful of your partner’s reaction, you may
want to get support in how to create a safe, secure connection in
your relationship, while maintaining what is authentic to you.
This can be difficult to negotiate at times.)
4. Be clear about your boundaries.
- What are you comfortable with in a friendship?
- What are you okay with and what are you not okay with?
- Relating back to point #1 “Know what your intention is and what
the purpose is for the friendship.” Is your behavior in alignment
with your intention and purpose?
- Are your boundaries getting blurred?
- Are you behaving in ways that you feel good about?
Developing a platonic friendship with someone you have potential
or history with is complicated, but it is not impossible. It does
require choosing a friend with similar friendship goals, as well as
having some sensitivity, awareness, and ability to communicate your
boundaries clearly.
MENTIONED:
TRANSCRIPT:
Click on this link to access the transcript for this
episode: ERP 062 Just Friends. Is It Really
Possible.
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