Jan 5, 2017
“I often listen to your podcast and try to learn from it as much as possible. Your podcast has provided me an ample amount of knowledge and made me flexible to various aspects of being in a relationship. Thank you.
I came across a girl on a matrimony website and we have seen each other only 3 times in past 9 months of knowing each other as we stay in different states. The last meet we had was to talk about our trust issues by building our communication skills and whether she still wanted to continue seeing me. It was good for a week after our talk but then she went back to ignoring my texts and phone calls. I understand that she is busy with 3 jobs (1 full-time and 2 part-time including her accounting business) but without getting acknowledged for my texts or calls for days, sometimes weeks or none reply at all; I feel agitated building tension between us. I don’t know how to tackle this situation as I want to give her space but feel that I might lose her if not in frequent touch. Your help is highly appreciated.”
“I’m pretty new to your podcasts, but they’re currently helping me through a pretty confusing and difficult time.
I’m in a wonderful relationship with a man whom is everything I would want on paper. I actually wrote out a list of all the character traits I would want in a man a few months before we started dating– he checks off all of them!
The problem is that lately we’ve grown into this odd dynamic that I don’t really know how to explain. This relationship started as the most supportive, loving, healthy relationship that I’ve ever been in. However, lately it feels forced and inauthentic.
We have had a few hiccups with some health problems. We’ve also had some “discussions” (never really arguments) about his friends, who were initially not welcoming to me at all and still make me feel very uncomfortable on most occasions with crass behavior and crude comments about pretty much everything. However, my boyfriend has never engaged in or encouraged this behavior– at least not around me or to my knowledge!
Although we interact very healthily– and if anyone saw us from the outside they would likely say we are the “perfect couple”– there’s this unnameable tension that exists and makes me feel more and more disconnected with him every day.
I’m worried that maybe I chose to be in a relationship with him for the wrong reasons (the logical side of my brain tends to rule my decisions), and now am paying the price.
Before I go , I just want to say thanks for providing a wonderful show that’s helping me to get more in touch with my own feelings and take control of my desires and needs in my relationship.”
(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear my stories and examples to describe these points.)
1. Be aware of compromising yourself and your values.
2. Find balance.
3. Allow space for your partner to be in.
4. Honor your cues.
5. Be honest about what your partner is showing you and telling you.
6. Trust in yourself, trust in life.
“So now I know what I have to do. I have to keep breathing. And tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring in.” – William Broyles Jr., Cast Away
One step:
If you are caught in a pattern of “trying too hard,” can you
practice one of these tips? Which one will it be? Please let me a
comment below. I would love to hear about it.
Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 091: Is “trying harder” the best option in relationship? [Transcript]
If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.
Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.
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Thank you!
If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.