Aug 8, 2017
In episode ERP 112: What Makes Being Vulnerable So Hard?, I discussed why vulnerability is a difficult skill to develop. I talked about how vulnerability is a deceptively powerful ingredient within an intimate connection. I described some of the ways we get stuck and fight against being vulnerable. If you missed it, you can check it out here.
Do you let your partner in? Do you let them see your inner world…your weaknesses, your insecurities, your dreams, your longing? Do you let them feel you…feel your emotion?
Or do you hold it all together? Do you keep walls up? Do you avoid the opportunity for connection because you are afraid to reveal too much? Do you set aside your hurt, so that it cannot be seen? Do you hide your innermost thoughts, feelings, and wishes in fear that they might be rejected?
Most of us have been bombarded with messages about being independent, capable, and strong. We expect to be able to solve all of our own problems and be self-sufficient. And asking for help and support can often bring up deep feelings of shame because we believe we should be able to handle everything.
Take a moment, when you think of being “vulnerable,” what comes up for you? What is the first thing you think of? Being “weak.” “helpless.” “open.” “unprotected.”
When it comes to relationship, paradoxically vulnerability is a huge strength.
In Vulnerability the Key to Close Relationships, by Karen Young, she writes “Without vulnerability, relationships struggle. Vulnerability is, ‘Here I am – my frayed edges, my secrets, my fears, my affection. Be careful – they’re precious.’ In return, it invites, ‘Oh, I see you there. It’s okay, you’re safe. And here – here’s me.’ It builds trust, closeness and a sense of belonging. Relationships won’t thrive without it. Vulnerability is openness to experiences, people and uncertainty. It’s terrifying at times, and brave always.”
Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear stories, explanations, and examples.
Brené Brown, a professor and vulnerability researcher at the University of Houston has done a lot to bring the importance of vulnerability to mainstream awareness. If you haven’t seen her TED talks, I encourage you to check them out:
In Brené Brown’s best selling book “Daring Greatly,” she defines vulnerability “as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”
Vulnerability is like the feeling we get when we take a risk, step out of our comfort zone, and the outcome is uncertain (story).
Brené Brown teaches us that while doing something new may feel uncomfortable, it also opens us up to new opportunities. Conversely, turning away from the discomfort and challenge, can perpetuate feelings of loneliness, disconnection, and dissatisfaction.
“Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences,” Brené Brown
Vulnerability allows you to authentically express and it allows you to open your heart. Plus, the more you can connect with what is real for you, the easier it will be to share with someone else.
Choose:
“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” – Brené Brown
Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 114: : How To Develop The Strength Of Vulnerability [Transcript]
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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.