Aug 24, 2017
“I am from Germany and i have listened to many of your
podcasts, it really helped me to understand things better. My
boyfriend and me we are 5 years together, he is from a different
country (Denmark) and we speak English together in our relationship
although we live in my home country. I think this makes it
sometimes difficult for us to express in a nice and kind or maybe
playful manner. This just gives me the idea that a show about
international couples could be great.
But I think our real problem is that he is 10 years older
than me and he has been before me in a 12 year relationship (with 2
kids, but it was a really unhappy relationship and she cheated on
him) and before that in a 4 year relationship (his first teen love,
she died in an accident when she was 18). His parents never split
up and he is a very helpful person, always looking for the needs of
others. I am just the opposite. My parents divorced when I was 12
years old. I had a relationship of 1 year when I was 16 and then I
met some guys before him but it never got serious. I had basically
have had no experience in living with a man before I met him. We
really love each other and we had many great experiences in these 5
years, but we also argued nearly every week. Most times, I have
something in my mind and want to do it without thinking about him,
because I am used to getting what I want, because I was for a long
time alone. But he gets disappointed every time, because he thinks
I should look more on what he wants and needs.
And further we always try to find a solution and most times it is like i have to change. But I’m like feeling so unequal to him by that, because he always knows better. I also have the feeling That he doesn’t trust me anymore that i can do and finish something. I have changed because I don’t want to do something wrong and I ask him always how I should do things because in the end he knows better. This is really tough for me because I don’t feel like the freedom anymore which I had when I lived alone. But we still love each other and i never want to loose him. We also want to get kids together and we want to get married. I just lost some confidence and self trust over the years. Thank you!”
Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear stories, explanations, and examples.
In the future, I would love to create an episode on bicultural relationships. One quick thought about communicating…try slowing things down. This may allow space to explain the nuances and background meanings to help one another understand the intended use of the words.
First of all, I want to acknowledge how much you love your boyfriend and how much you really want to develop a healthy relationship with him. I want to applaud your effort to invest in the quality of your relationship.
This work is challenging and difficult at times, but it will give you a solid foundation to build from. Especially as you move forward into marriage and creating a family. Consider taking the Connect Couples program to develop a healthy, lasting foundation for your relationship.
see https://drjessicahiggins.com
Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 116: How To Regain Trust And Self-Confidence When You’ve Lost It [Transcript]
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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.