Oct 13, 2017
GUEST ARIELLE FORD:
Arielle Ford is a love and relationship expert and a leading
personality in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality
movement. For the past 25 years she has been living, teaching, and
promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is a
speaker and the producer and host of Evolving Wisdom’s Art of Love
series.
Arielle is a gifted writer and the author of 11 books,
including Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate devoted to exploring a
simple, fun and effective way to attain groundbreaking shifts in
perception so that you can embrace and find the beauty and
perfection in yourself and your mate. She calls this “going from
annoyed to enjoyed!”
She has been called “The Cupid of Consciousness” and “The
Fairy Godmother of Love.” She lives in La Jolla, CA
with her husband/soulmate, Brian Hilliard and their feline
friends.
(Please listen to the podcast episode or
read the transcript to hear
explanations, stories and examples.)
ARIELLE FORD DEFINES A SOULMATE AS:
- Someone you can be completely be yourself with.
- Someone you share unconditional love with.
- When you look into your partner’s eyes, you have the experience
of being home.
IMPORTANT POINTS FROM ARIELLE FORD:
WHAT IS LOVE AND THE PURPOSE OF A MARRIAGE?
- The fastest and best way to get a soulmate is to put your
attention everyday on gratitude for all the love you already have
in your life. Then, your heart become magnetic to romantic
love.
- At least 90% of people are already with their soulmate. What
you need to do is clear out all the gunk, the frustration, and all
the disappointment, so that you can feel the
love again.
- Most people don’t really know what love is because we think
love is a feeling.
“The really important thing about love is that it is a
behavior. It is a practice. It is a decision. It is a choice.”
Arielle Ford
- The purpose of marriage is to heal all of our childhood wounds.
Arielle quotes Harville Hendrix in saying, “Our brain has an
unconscious partner picker.” We pick somebody that comes with the
playbook, with the owner’s manual on how to push all of our
buttons, so that we can be healed.
“The true path of the soulmate marriage is the deepest, most
amazing, spiritual work to heal ourselves and each other. And it is
not always fun.” Arielle Ford
DEALING WITH CHALLENGES
- The bad news is 50% of first marriages, 64% of second
marriages, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. The only
thing that is consistent in all three marriages is you. While it
looks like the problem is over there, chances are that is not
true.
- Arielle quotes John Gottman in saying, “Every couple has a
minimum of 9 irreconcilable differences.” It is our job in the
relationship to find creative solutions to deal
with our differences.
- She shared a personal story about her relationship with her
husband and how she negotiated a challenge with him. She said,
“Nothing effectively changed until I was willing to get honest and
vulnerable with him.”
- One key she talked about in addressing a sensitive topic is
understanding that “this is your best friend, your partner, your
biggest cheerleader, your lover for life, your safe place to land,
and approach these conversations from a place of love, kindness,
and respect.”
- If you are really angry, that is not the time to have a
conversation. Go get yourself to neutral first.
- Learn how to have constructive conversations and listen
effectively (see below for resources).
“The hardest part of life isn’t life, it is the other human
beings in life.” Arielle Ford
- We all want to be loved and accepted for exactly who we
are.
- Science is now showing that for every minute you have an angry
judgmental thought you suppress your immune system for up to 8
hours.
“The number one way to guarantee a long, happy life is to
have a happy marriage.” Arielle Ford
ARIELLE FORD SHARED TWO TIPS:
1. Awareness:
- Stop when you recognize a negative thought.
- Think to yourself, “Cancel. Cancel.”
- Replace the negative thought with a better thought.
2. Create a new connection:
- Get yourself to neutral.
- With pen and paper, write down some memories about your partner
and your relationship.
What was it like when you first met? How did you feel when you
met your partner?
What are some of the best experiences you have had together?
What have you most admired and respected about your partner?
What are the happiest memories you shared together as a
couple?
- Read the list and then write your partner the most beautiful
love letter.
- Then, put it in an “I love you just because card” and put it in
a place where they will find it when you are not around.
DOUBTING THE RELATIONSHIP?
- If you are having serious doubts about your relationship, take
6 months to try new ways of relating before leaving your
partner.
- Take baby steps. Read and learn relationship skills (see
below), and see if you can reignite your love and connection.
- There is a 90% chance that you are with your soulmate and they
still can be, but there are weeks, months or years of gunk in the
way.
- You don’t need to wait until your partner is willing to engage
in growth work. If you start changing, it is likely your partner
will start changing too.
- If you are experiencing abuse or addiction issues in your
relationship, please seek professional counseling.
- Attempt to address only one issue at a time.
- Communicate from a place of being a friend, being kind, and
open to hearing.
Check out the resources below as well as the Connected Couple
program to develop happy, lasting love: For a limited time only,
you can use this coupon code for a 20% discount: fall2017
MENTIONED:
TRANSCRIPT:
Click on this link to access the transcript for this
episode: ERP 122: How To Turn Your Mate Into
Your Soulmate, with Arielle Ford [Transcript]
If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact
me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins”
button here.
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your relationship.
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Thank you!
If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome
relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship
Course or doing relationship
coaching work with me.