Apr 20, 2019
GUEST: DR. SUSAN HEITLER
Susan Heitler PhD is a Denver clinical psychologist and widely-read author. Educated at Harvard and NYU, Susan Heitler offers self-help information for individuals and for couples. Dr. Heitler also writes for therapists, offering new understandings and treatments for anxiety, anger, depression, narcissism, and relationship challenges. Dr. Heitler’s web-page provides an overview with links to 40+ years of books. blog posts, articles, podcasts, videos, webinars, online marriage education program, and more. Dr. Susan Heitler has earned a national and international reputation as one of America’s leading psychologists.
(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)
DEPRESSION:
“What triggers depression is feeling powerless and giving up on something you want.” by Dr. Susan Heitler
- Emotions get manifested in the body by physical changes.
- What triggers emotion is important.
- Depression is a disorder of power.
- There is a continuum of depression (going from being down or blue to having little ability to function and having suicidal ideation).
- Get help if you or your partner are experiencing severe depression through the way of a therapist and psychiatrist.
BUMP MODEL:
- Challenges in life are the bumps in the road.
- How you respond to the bump in the road helps determine what you experience going forward.
3 P’S PRESCRIPTION FOR DEALING WITH DEPRESSION:
- Pinpoint. Figure out the trigger. What is the bump in the road?
- Pump up. Take a deep breath. Take a power pose. Imagine yourself getting bigger and taller.
- Problem solve. Think of solutions from a much more empowered position.
TWO QUESTIONS TO TEST FOR DEPRESSION:
- After pinpointing the issue, ask yourself “Do you feel small compared to the other person or other thing involved?”
- Are you engaging in the negative cognitive triad (thinking negatively about self, others, and the future)?
HOW COUPLES CAN DEAL WITH DEPRESSION:
- Share concerns.
- Listen to concerns.
- Aim for win/win solutions.
ENJOY ANTIDOTES FOR DEPRESSION TOGETHER:
- Sunshine.
- Music.
- Nature.
- Activity.
HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR PARTNER’S BAD MOOD:
- If you want to help your partner, don’t assume what they need. Ask. Ask your partner “What helps and what doesn’t help?”
- If your partner is in a negative space, you may want to go do a separate activity to create some space (where you can experience positivity). Then, maybe your partner can join your positive mood, rather than you joining your partner’s negative mood.
- Don’t take your partner’s irritability and anger.
- Create safety together for talking about what is going on.
Engaging in a relationship well requires maturity and skill.
MENTIONED:
- Lift Depression With These 3 Prescriptions- Without-Pills | Susan Heitler | TEDxWilmington (Video)
- Prescriptions Without Pills (Website)
- 5 Realities About Depression That Make It Highly Contagious, by Dr. Susan Heitler (Article)
- Therapy Help (Website)
- The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage (Book)
- The Power of Two Workbook: Communication Skills for a Strong & Loving Marriage (Book)
- Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety, and More (Book)
- Conflict Resolution for Couples (Podcast episode)
- Depression: A Disorder of Power (Podcast episode)
- Dr. Susan Heitler on Psychology Today (Webpage)
- Power of Two (Website)
TRANSCRIPT:
Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode:
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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.