May 20, 2019
“First of all, thank you so much for doing the podcast. I have been learning so much about relationships and how to better improve my own. My question is about family and parents.
Some background on my situation. I have told my very religious parents that I am moving out of the house. My boyfriend and I have found a place together and decided that our next step in our very committed relationship is to live together. I am 30 years old.
My parents (mostly my mother) had a fit. She went on and on about how I am not “doing things the right way” and that she and everyone in her family disapproves. I told her that I was confident in my decision and I understand that she will not approve, but it is my decision. I also told her I never meant to hurt her. She has been crying and posting a lot of religious content on her social media. She’s also been posting sad photos of her looking upset.
I see that this is emotional manipulation and this is something I have had to deal with my whole life, hence the final push to move and get some space from my family.
So my question is, what is the best way to deal with emotional manipulative parents? “
(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)
Manipulation is the act of trying to get someone to do something consciously or subconsciously.
At what point do we call behavior persuasive/influential or manipulative?
There is a range from having a healthy influence to toxic manipulation, and it is a matter of degrees. For example:
The line is usually crossed when a person is using guilt, force, or power to control someone else.
Unfortunately, people often resort to control tactics when they are scared and afraid. They don’t trust that someone will engage with them in a safe way, so they get aggressive, pushy, and critical. Or even worse, they use mental distortion and emotional exploitation to gain power and control.
When people grow up in particularly unhealthy and painful environments, they often learn to cope in dysfunctional ways. When these patterns take hold in more extreme cases, people can develop personality disorders and mental health issues.
In the article, 12 Failures of Highly Manipulative People,
by Preston Ni, he offers several types of manipulation. Here are a few (please read the article for more information):
1. Identify The Manipulative Behavior:
2. Focus On Your Power, Strength, And Goodness
Stay tuned for the next episode for the next four tips.
Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode:
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