Sep 22, 2020
Love presents a great opportunity, and it can also feel like a great risk. Especially, when we have felt hurt in the past. If we are not conscious (and aware), we can mistake the fear we feel as an indication that something is off in the relationship or with our partner. The key is to recognize the fear you feel makes sense (understand it's origins) and learn how to work with the fear, so that you can learn to develop more intimacy with your significant other. In the episode, I reference the book "The Highly Sensitive Person In Love," by Elaine Aron.
(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)
In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:
- How we question our lovability when we have felt hurt in the past.
- How love and intimacy can be threatening.
- Fear of loss of control and how to deal with it.
- Fear of one's "attack and destroy" impulses and what to do about it.
- Fear of being engulfed and how to take care of yourself.
- Fear of commitment and what to consider.
- Fear of disliking the other for subtle annoyances and how to negotiate this with your partner.
"Love feels whole, energizing and integrating all parts of us. But wholeness would also mean integrating any repressed, split-off anger and destructiveness." by Elaine Aaron
Mentioned:
- Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide
- ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part One (podcast)
- The Highly Sensitive Person In Love, by Elaine Aaron
- The Most Dangerous Stories We Make Up, by Brené Brown
- ERP 018: How To Deal With Feelings Of Anger In Relationship (podcast)
- ERP 223: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part One (podcast)
- ERP 224: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part Two (podcast)
- Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson
- ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast)
- ERP 093: HOW THE “SHADOW” INFLUENCES OUR GROWTH IN LIFE AND IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast)
- ERP 217: HOW TO DEAL WITH STONEWALLING IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast)
- Conscious Loving: The
Journey to Co-Commitment
, by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks (book)
Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:
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Twitter: @DrJessHiggins
Website: drjessicahiggins.com
Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com
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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.