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Dec 29, 2020

In today’s episode, we will take a look at negotiating with your significant other when you have a conflict. My interview with Juliet Grayson will delve into how she works with couples to navigate intimacy and find a win-win relationship.


She started her journey as a young child in therapy with the UK NLP Therapy Association Chair. Juliet was intrigued by the association and decided to sign up for a course. She decided to take the entire course six times to embody thinking, which changed her perspective and life. 


Having experienced couples therapy with her husband, she decided to venture into the couples therapy treatment realm. Now trained as a couples therapist, she had her first couples client and quickly realized that this vertical wasn’t the same as individual therapy. At this point, she decided to take on a two-year training divided into a year training on sex and the other year on relationships. Juliet currently works primarily with couples who are experiencing sexual problems.


Juliet and I talk about the importance of taking a break in a conversation when one partner is triggered and why having the ability to step away from an argument that is getting heated is a positive action to take to move your relationship forward. 


Listen in to find out why every communication is a negotiation, what couples need to do to have the ability to negotiate, the distinction between first and second position with NLP, and the most useful model for couples to move through negotiation.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)



Juliet Grayson is a UKCP Reg psychosexual therapist working in the UK.  She & her team run a six modular course, now online,  on "How to Work With Couples for Therapists Who Usually Work One to One”.  She also runs online personal development groups using the Pesso Boyden System of Psychotherapy.  Her book, “Landscapes of the Heart: The working world of a sex and relationship therapist” gives a ‘fly on the wall’ perspective on couples therapy.

In this episode, Juliett and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: 

  • How couples are not good negotiators
  • Prerequisites to starting the negotiating process in a couples relationship
  • The importance of knowing what you want for yourself
  • Why it’s important for a couple to brainstorm to solve a problem
  • How to separate the problem from the people
  • The types of concessions a partner can offer inside a relationship
  • How second position is different from first position
  • Why it’s important to understand the other’s motivation for their actions
  • Elements necessary to have the ability to speak from each position in negotiation.
  • The importance of negotiating with generosity and positivity towards your partner
  • How a partner can get “unstuck” in winning at the expense of the relationship




Connect with Juliet Grayson


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Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:  






Twitter: @DrJessHiggins 



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