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Aug 30, 2022

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. No matter how great your relationship with your partner is, conflicts are inevitable, and that is not always a bad thing. Depending on how well you manage them, they can either weaken or strengthen your relationship.

Most people don’t even realize that they are responding to conflicts out of fear. When a problem arises, they automatically arm up to protect themselves, which leaves it unresolved and eventually breeds resentment.

In this episode, Tami Kiekhaefer discusses how fear manifests itself in conflict situations through physical cues and an illustration. Most importantly, she explains how you can apply this knowledge to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner.

Tamara Kiekhaefer, LCSW, has operated her psychotherapy practice since 2002. She provides individual, family, and couple therapy around anxiety, depression, domestic violence, trauma, relationships, and empowerment. Tami is a certified yoga instructor and weaves concepts of holistic therapy into her clinical work. Her first book provides hands-on tools required to work through the past, stabilize the present, and prepare for a loving relationship.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

In this episode

4:56 How her divorce equipped Tami help other people even more.

9:40 How she confronted the criticism about her failed relationship while working as a couple’s therapist.

14:34 How fear manifest itself during conflict.

18:29 Physical signs of fear.

24:38 The roots of anxiety.

29:00 The Cone of Fear—a visual representation of the fear of rejection and fear of abandonment.

38:58 How to overcome the fear of rejection and abandonment.

42:33 An overview of her book, Preparing for the Jungle: Avoiding Snakes and Pitfalls on the Path to Healthy Love.

46:56 Learn more about the services she is offering.


Preparing for the Jungle: Avoiding Snakes and Pitfalls on the Path to Healthy Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Cone of Fear

Prepare for the Jungle (online self-paced course)

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication

Connect with Tami Kiekhaefer


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Twitter: @DrJessHiggins 



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