Nov 8, 2022
In response to criticism or complaints, people frequently resort to becoming defensive as a coping strategy. It’s natural for people to defend themselves when they feel harmed or unfairly attacked. While defensiveness is designed to keep us out of danger, it is also one of the major relationship busters.
Women commonly complain about their partner's defensiveness and how they feel disconnected. On the other hand, men are perplexed. They have no idea what to do when their partner is upset. And when the nervous system detects a threat, the mind springs into action with a variety of escape strategies or ways to ease the discomfort of anxiety. The mind then intervenes with stories, projections, and defenses.
Couples will never truly connect if one partner is in an emotional space and the other responds with information to try to talk him or her out of being upset.
In this episode, GS Youngblood introduces embodiment. He differentiates it from the type of meditation that most people are familiar with—noticing your thoughts and then deciding to let them go. He describes how concentrating on specific bodily sensations can help to control the nervous system. He also stresses the significant impact that this kind of awareness can have on how you show up in your relationships.
GS coaches men in relationships on how to live, love, and lead from their masculine core. He is the author of the acclaimed books The Masculine in Relationship and The Art of Embodiment for Men, both of which are written to help men build more masculine capacity. His work in this domain of masculine leadership pulls in principles from a variety of fields: psychology, spirituality, martial arts, tango, meditation, and BDSM.
Although GS primarily coaches men in relationships, women would equally benefit from practicing being embodied, too.
Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.
In this episode
5:03 Embodiment vs. meditation: focusing on specific bodily sensations rather than your thoughts.
8:51 Benefits of embodiment in terms of intimate relationships: consciously choosing how one will respond or react.
21:15 How he helps people have more of this embodiment.
41:24 How is being physical different from being embodied?
45:42 Examples of how people can confront their tendencies to escape in this more embodied way.
53:10 Sexual leadership: how to bring some leadership to the bedroom so that your partner can, if she chooses, can surrender to your lead.
56:28 Discover more information about GS and his work, including his website, books, workshops, and social media handles.
The Art of Embodiment for Men (Affiliate link to GS's course)
The Art of Embodiment for Men: Using the ANI Framework and Daily Practices to Tame Anxiety, Heal Trauma, and Conquer Your Nice Guy Tendencies (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
ERP 263: How to Develop Three Key Qualities of Your Positive Masculine Leadership — An Interview with GS Youngblood
Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication
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