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Nov 29, 2022

The separate self is a lie.

Contrary to modern culture’s idea of the solo self or individualism, which emphasizes the need to look out for and take care of oneself above all else, indigenous people believe that everything is interconnected. There has always been a connection between us and the rest of the world.

Although it originated in Western culture, individualism is a global phenomenon that prevents us from living in greater balance and harmony.

In today's society, self-reliance is highly stressed and valued, which gives the impression that we are on our own and leaves a lot of people experiencing feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, and desperation.

In this episode, Dr. Dan Siegel aims to shift that mindset into a more relational approach. He places a strong emphasis on how crucial it is to understand how connected we all are. He believes that by understanding and embracing this ancient message, we can find solutions to more significant problems like public health and planetary health, in addition to our relationships with other people. Let’s dive in.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

In this episode

5:38 The inspiration of the book: the deep desire to let go of the idea of the "solo self" and discover how to lead a more balanced, harmonious life.

17:33 The flimsy fantasy of certainty.

20:59 How our culture encourages us to see ourselves as separate, independent beings.

28:34 How the word “me” can be a limiting word and the origin of the word "MWe."

36:08 The ineffective use of the word "self" in the field of mental health.

41:54 The solo self is a lie: a broader understanding of who we are and the realities of our entangled lives.

48:41 How the idea of intraconnectedness, or MWe, can change romantic relationships.


IntraConnected: MWe (Me + We) as the Integration of Self, Identity, and Belonging (book)

Wheel of Awareness by Dr. Dan Siegel

Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence--The Groundbreaking Meditation Practice (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Noosphere by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (*Wikipedia)

ERP 216: What to Know about Loneliness and Relationship

ERP 219: The Human Need for Belonging

ERP 215: How to Deal With Being “Alone Together”

ERP 208: How to Find Balance and Direction

Relationship Map To Happy, Lasting Love

Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication

Connect with Dr. Dan Siegel

Websites: |





Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins






Twitter: @DrJessHiggins 



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*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.