Apr 20, 2017
“If you heard the story of my 18 year relationship, even you
might be surprised
Over the last couple of years we really tested the boundaries
of us being together
Now we are better , stronger , more intimate and communicative
than ever before
We both proclaim most every day how happy we are that we each
stood for the relationship when the other faltered
The harshest part we went through was my pulling away , near
infidelity emotionally which caused me to questioned “us” and
although that was short-lived , I did pull away for a couple of
years emotionally and physically
About the time I was coming back to wanting to repair he
started talking to someone at work who pursued him
He said he knew it the beginning she was nothing he wanted, but
he was drawn in because she gave him what I was not ; attention.
They had been talking a month already when I found out
Once I found out he almost immediately tried to break it off
with the other person but she kept drawing him back and for several
months he felt like he was in a vortex of emotions
I stood for us this time I listened to you and other podcasts
and after a few months he made a clean break and we moved
forward
After 17 years together and me saying no to getting married ,
we got married
He said it’s what he wanted all these years
So I would love to hear a podcast on infidelity, limerence and
that it can be overcome
Your relationship can be stronger and it can even be a wake up
call
It was a blessing in disguise for us
I love your shows so much
I feel like you are right here talking to me
I listen to the ones that don’t seem like they apply as I now
know relationships are like a living entity and always
changing
I want to forever stay on top of my game
I share the cliff notes with my hubby and they open up great
conversations
Thank you for this gift
Love and light”
(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear more explanations, stories and examples.)
Infidelity undoubtedly puts a lot of strain on a relationship, but in some cases an affair can make your relationship stronger.
Experiencing a crisis period is normal:
Previous trauma and other issues can make the dynamics more complicated.
Dealing with hard truths about self and relationship is necessary to move forward in a productive manner.
Affairs are often an alert that something isn’t being dealt with within the relationship.
Acknowledging choice points and decisions made will be important to confront, as the dishonesty and deception can be more disturbing than the actual sexual affair.
In order to make room for a stronger connection, partners need to be ready to be accountable and take ownership.
Prioritize the goal of seeking to understanding.
Being willing to tolerate uncertainty.
Develop shared meaning about the affair.
Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 104: How Can Infidelity Make Your Relationship Stronger? [Transcript]
If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.
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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.