Jun 4, 2018
If you missed part one, you can check it out here ERP 142, where I give practical
explanations and examples of mindfulness. In episode ERP 143, I talked about
important research that is showing higher levels of mindfulness
contributes to happier, more satisfying relationships. In this
episode, I also give you the first 3 ways that mindfulness benefits
you and your relationship.
1. More Attentive
2. Able to respond Rather Than React.
3. More Emotionally Regulated
(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the
transcript to hear explanations, stories and
examples.)
7 WAYS MINDFULNESS BENEFITS YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
4. Increased Self-Awareness
- As we develop skill in mindfulness, the anterior cingulate
cortex in our brain changes. This area is associated with impulse
control, attention, emotion, as well with our sense of self.
- Mindfulness helps us control the impulse to act out in
destructive and manipulative ways, as well as redirect our
attention towards our higher intentions, goals, and values.
- With more self-awareness, we can observe our emotions and
behaviors and recognize when we are going down a path of doing and
saying things from a hurt place.
- With self-awareness, we can recalibrate when we have gotten off
track.
5. Clearer Communication
- “Communication issues” are a frequent complaint couples have
when seeking help.
- Most often it is not about needing better communication, but it
is about developing the awareness and understanding of what is
going on underneath that is important.
- Typically, we will attack, blame, turn away or protest in the
hopes that our partner will recognize our hurt and offer
reassurance, love, and support. But often this does not work.
- However, if we have clear insight into our vulnerability and
pain, we are in a much better position to communicate clearly with
our partner. In this case, they are much more likely to be able to
understand, empathize and want to help.
How Mindfulness Techniques Can Help
Your Relationship, By Erica Turner
“One of the biggest benefits of mindfulness is its ability to
help us slow down intense emotional processes. Often, when we are
upset or disappointed or frustrated with our partner, our brain is
in hyperdrive. We are on high alert in trying to get our needs met
and express ourselves. Unfortunately, this high anxiety status can
impede us from being able to clearly tell our partners what we’re
looking for from them. Approaching your partner mindfully can help
you slow down so that you can have a more productive
conversation.”
- With mindfulness, we can develop the ability to be more clear
and direct with our communication. We can be more tactful and kind,
as we assist our partner in meeting us.
6. More Empathy
- With mindfulness, the insula, the part of the brain that is
associated with empathy and compassion changes.
- As we develop mindfulness, we have more capacity to understand
our partner’s perspective.
- We can identify with their emotion and feel empathy,
compassion, and the desire to help.
- This is a major turning point in any difficult conversation, as
this is where connection can occur and possibilities start to open
up.
- The more we practice, the more care and empathy we can bring to
a difficult conversation.
- When our partner feels our care and consideration, they are
more likely to open up and engage in a productive way.
- With a climate of more compassion and warmth, partners feel
more love, support, and intimacy, which strengthens their bond and
connection.
7. More Acceptance
- In the series about pain, I talked about how life
involves some degree of pain.
- When we worry about the pain, try to avoid the pain, or try to
make it different, we create a lot of suffering.
- Often times, when couples seek help, they have been in pain for
a long period of time. Unfortunately, it is actually the way they
have tried to avoid the pain that has created much more damage,
problems and suffering than the initial pain itself.
- Mindfulness increases our ability to be present with what
is.
- As we become more mindful, we achieve a greater sense of inner
peace.
HOW TO PRACTICE MINDFULNESS
Here are some links to some great mindfulness resources and
exercises to get you started:
MENTIONED:
TRANSCRIPT:
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episode:
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Thank you!
If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome
relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or doing relationship
coaching work with me.